Selfluence - The Art and Science of Influencing Yourself with Chief Results Officer Blaine Oelkers

Blaine Oelkers: 0:00

Another kind of mind turnaround or is the use of afformations. Instead of affirmation. So affirmations are like, you know, I am healthy, I am healthy, I am healthy. And then your body your your mind says no, you're not. No, you're not. So there's a little bit of a battle. But if you say it often enough, an affirmation does take root, right? So it does work. But afformation is when you put in the form of a question.

Announcer: 0:25

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Rory Gill: 0:49

Welcome to another episode of The Real Estate Law Podcast. My name is Rory Gill.I'm a real estate attorney and real estate broker operating out of Massachusetts. And I'm really excited for our conversation today because we are going to discuss kind of the most important thing in your business and that is yourself your mindset and really what you can do to get out of your own way to realize the success you have. So today we're speaking with Blaine Oelkers. He is the Chief Results Officer. He can be your Chief Results Officer and he's also in charge of Selfluence,masterminds of many professionals out there who are looking to improve upon themselves and instill good habits along the way. So Blaine,welcome to the podcast.

Blaine Oelkers: 1:29

Hey Rory, thank you so much for having me on. I appreciate the opportunity to share a little bit today and maybe help a few of the listeners yeah, to kind of increase their their own power I call it Selfluence, which is the art and science of influencing yourself or kind of the power,you already have to influence yourself, you don't need anything new. You don't need any fancy softwares or apps or anything, that three pound tool at the top of your head is all you need. And most people know how to do stuff. They're just not focused on it in the right way. So it's kind of fun to share and, and help entrepreneurs. And primarily, I do work with attorneys, real estate agents, dentists,professionals, and those kinds of people. And I've been doing it for a long time. So I hope I can add a little value today.

Rory Gill: 2:14

Thank you. And I mean, what you're introducing,there is really the core of it all. I think it's pretty easy in these professions, when they're kind of limitless choices and limitless opportunities for us to kind of pare down and think about the essentials when met with other people in the past.Often these two such discussions get a little bit safer and simpler when we talk about the specific tools that we could be using instead. Shiny object syndrome comes in, and we were looking for that silver bullet that could really tie everything together. But you're talking about using what people already have to improve upon themselves.Introduce that a little bit more tell us you know who you're working with and what your mission is with those people?

Blaine Oelkers: 2:51

Yes. So I, you know, had a few moments of dawning comprehension, you know,where you know, the light bulb goes off, and you're never quite the same again. And so for me,the first one happened in college, I went to and graduated from Purdue University. And while I was there, kind of maybe like some of the listeners, I've always been a seeker of knowledge, right? I always want to how can I do better? How can I improve, and I saw this ad,and it was for an audio cassette tape. So kind of dating myself here it was in the 80s. Some people might not even know what an audio cassette tape is. But anyway, it's a little audio program, and you put it in your Sony Walkman and listen to it. I sent away and it was for kind of an abridged version, a reading of this book called Think and Grow Rich. And was actually read by this guy, Earl Nightingale who ended up becoming one of my mentors. Anyway, I got the tape,I listened to it. And then I bought the book and I read the book and my moment of dawning comprehension was this realization. And I made a little phrase - what you think about you bring about - and so it was a realization that my thoughts plus action, like what you think about you bring it about, but my thoughts were really the thing that was shaping my life. And then later, a second mentor,actually, my favorite mentor is guy named Jim Rohn. You know, he said, it's not what happens,that determines your life future. It's what you do about what happens. And so the dawning comprehension moment was that my life is being shaped by the lens that I'm looking through, which is really my thoughts. And so what you think about you bring about, you know, you could think a thought that you're thirsty and you go get a drink of water,or you could think a thought that you want to see a movie. So you find out okay, when's the movie playing? Who could I go with, right? You bring that stuff about? And so I started doing that kind of with bigger and bigger things. And I had a bunch of success. I met my wife in college. We've been married30 years now, you know, had some good business success. And then the second moment, kind of dawning comprehension for me. My degree is in computer science. I came back from this business trip, and then my son Beau, he was kind of like giving me the cold shoulder and I said, Beth,like what is Beau sick, like what's wrong? She has no, you were gone so long. He kind of forgot who you were. And I was like, Oh man, that like hit me like hard emotionally. So I made this clarifying decision that night, that I would be a work from home dad, I didn't know how I was going to do it. But I made this clarifying decision, I had this emotional resolve to really go do that. And so it took me a year. Started a couple of businesses that was really hard to hear on the marriage, you know, starting some businesses keeping my full time job. But a year later, I did break free.And so when I broke free, that was 27 years ago, so I was the -kids are out of the nest now.But I was and I still am this this work from home guy. But what happened is that moment,again, I got into the white table, what'd you think about you bring about I was just, you know, totally focused on being able to work from home. But being able to work from home and owning my own business, that gave me the freedom to start to figure this self development stuff out. But also the freedom to do some, we could talk about some exercises people could use to figure out like, why am I here? Like, what is the purpose for my life. And when I figured that out, which for me, is to help people take control of their lives by taking control of themselves. I founded in 2009,this company called Selfluence,which we talked about before,and that really, to me, is the essence of, of, you know, people taking control of their lives by taking control of themselves.And really, that everything you need is within reach, you're already doing it. And if you decide you could master it, one framework I have is called the21. second habits, how to create new habits and 21 seconds, not21 days, or the 30 minute hour,I have good names for stuff, the30 minute hour, how to get an hour's worth of stuff done in just 30 minutes, where you can kind of compress time, and then maybe hacking your head trash,which again, as you move forward, you know that that holds a lot of people down limiting beliefs, self doubt,you know, some of that mind,monkey mind chatter. So anyway,that's a big, long introduction here to that, but anyway, I started working with some mastermind groups, and they called me the Chief Results Officer. And I like that. I went to the US Patent and Trademark Office, no one was using it, I got the registered trademark the R with a circle. And so now I am America's only Chief Results Officer doing what I think I'm I'm born to do and that's helped people.

Rory Gill: 7:22

Well, you are great at naming things, everything is kind of catchy and kind of illustrates his purpose and where we're going with it. Kind of the core of what you discuss your materials that I've read,is the white table principle.And let me start and give some practical grounding to the first half of that, you know, what you think about. What are some of those beliefs that people have,you know, examples or just ideas that either positive, and they can help promote results, or are self limiting beliefs?

Blaine Oelkers: 7:49

Yeah, I think,you know, I heard this great quote, once, when you argue for your limitations, you get to keep them. So unfortunately,many of us have, you know,programming past experiences that are, you know, become very limiting, you know, and they call them limiting beliefs,right. I'm too old, I'm too this, I'm too that I'm not enough, this, I'm not enough that, you know, and sometimes there's, you know, there's a fear of success, you know, of getting too successful or of not being successful. So there's lots of different kind of negative, and limiting beliefs that can hold you back, right,that can hold you back. And so now, on the flip side of that,there are podcasts like this one, there are mentors, you know, there are books like think and Grow Rich, and people like Earl Nightingale and Jim Rohn,you know, that can lift you up,that can be your mentor, right,that can, you know, move you forward. So it's kind of Napoleon Hill describes it as the stream of life, you know,and the stream is in two directions, there's kind of a negative and a positive. And the key is to get in that positive stream, and then stay there for as long as you possibly can. And so what I like to do is to help people, everybody has the voice of doubt, and the limiting beliefs, and I have them as well. Now, they used to be a lot louder, and now they're kind of in the corner, and I can keep them under control. But what I like to do is help people to when they have the limiting belief to quit as quickly as possible, flip it, flip it and get the brain working for them,not against them. That's number one is to quickly flip away from the negative. And then the second part is then to pour in the positive to kind of stay ahead of it. Right. So let's go through maybe a couple of practical example. One very simple one is what I call the Yeah, but. So when you have a limiting belief, or you hear something negative from yourself or other people, so you can Yeah, but yourself or you can Yeah, but other people, you know, but the idea is you just say Yeah, but at the end of that thing, I'll give you an example.And then let your mind start to go to work for you instead of against you. Right so you commonly a business owner say I don't have enough time. I never have enough time. Now when you say I never have enough time,then your brain says you never have enough time. And it goes to look for examples to show you,you don't have enough time because you have this to do and that to do and this and you're a parent and your business owner and your bla bla bla bla bla,you're done for I don't have enough time. I never have enough time. Yeah, but I control my schedule. Yeah, but I can hire a you know, a nanny. Yeah, but I can delegate more. Yeah, but and you begin to find the answers by Yeah, butting. And it does, it's a quick, it's a quick shift of the mind there to kind of flip it on its other side. So that I think is very helpful.Sometimes, you know, if you're,if you're kind of thinking about something, you know, you can also use the word yet, you know,you know, I don't have enough time yet. So that's another kind of very quick, easy way to kind of turn your mind around.Another kind of mind turnaround,or is the use of afformations.Instead of affirmation. So affirmations are like, you know,I am healthy, I am healthy, I am healthy. And then your body your mind says no, you're not. No,you're not. So there's a little bit of a battle. But if you say it often enough, an affirmation does take root, right? So it does work. But afformations this guy, Noah St. John came up with the afformation is when you put in the form of a question. And you say, Why do I find it so easy to be healthy? Because and now your mind starts to work?Because you threw out the junk food because you're getting your vitamin C because you're exercising every day, because you're getting fresh air because you're going for a walk, you know all these things, right? So you put in the form, because why do I find it so easy to eat healthy, you know, or to be healthy, right? Whatever the case may be. So that's afformations. So let me kind of stop there before I go into kind of how you can kind of pour the key, keep it positive, but just those are some ways of kind of flipping, flipping the mind quickly.

Rory Gill: 12:01

I mean, I can immediately think of limiting beliefs that I've had or encountered along the way. And,you know, the example you gave there is good. And it's difficult to shift that but it comes to think of you know, if you don't have enough time, it's kind of an external thing. You don't have enough resources. You don't have enough money. And you can counter that with some Yeah,buts. But I imagine there's a real challenge when it's a deeper identity. You know, I'm not that kind of person that does this. I'm not a good speaker. I'm not as outgoing,those sorts of self-limiting beliefs when you're working with somebody or some strategies you have to really kind of crack those difficult self limiting

Blaine Oelkers: 12:39

Yeah, yeah. So like, let's take that one. Like,beliefs.I'm not a good speaker, right?Yeah. But then something's going to trigger in your own mind. So so you can you even for the deeper ones. You can use that,you know, yeah, but I'm willing to get on podcasts. Yeah, but I'm willing to start a podcast.Yeah. But, you know, I'm willing to, you know, speak you know, at the Rotary Club or, or, yeah,but I could join Toastmasters.Right? So you begin to come up with with those things. And then the affirmation. Why do I find it so easy to be a good speaker?Because I read the books because I did this because I do that.Now, sometimes it's good to have a mentor, a peer or someone that could jumpstart your Yeah, buts,right. You know, like, I just did a whole bunch there about Toastmasters. And those are things that came into my mind.Right? So sometimes doing that with other people, you know, is,is key. Now, if you want to go deeper, yes. Now you could start to ask yourself questions, like,you know, do I want to become a good speaker? Like, why do I want to become a good speaker?Right? So why is a really powerful thing to begin to uncover, you know, why are you avoiding that maybe it was something from your past, you know, like, maybe you were tongue tied when you were a little kid. And that memory, you know, is still, you've got to change that, right. And one of the nice things about our mind,and actually, the last five years brain science is off the charts, they can actually chemically see when you create a new thought now and measure it.But anyway, back into your mind is that your memories, you know,can be changed by you kind of reliving them, but giving them different meaning. If you went back to that time, you know,where you are tongue tied as a kid or something like that. You say, Well, here's what I learned from that. And because of this,you know, what, what did I learn from that? What is the good thing that that I could see now,and you kind of reframe it,right? But then again, you can go back and do a little bit in the past, but also what I like is, I like this strategy of kind of win early win off it. And so my thing would be, you know,let's, let's get some momentum.Let's get some speaking momentum. And now first, say why do you want this to become this person? And it's got to be strong enough. Like, you don't really want to be a speaker.Okay, maybe you don't have to be a speaker. That's okay. If you want to be then how do you step into that new identity. I'm a speaker and do it I like to win early when often. And in that case, well leaps and little steps. Both were it's like a big leap, I'm gonna take a speaking bootcamp, right jump in, that's all the way big leap, or just a little step is, you know what,I'm gonna record a video for my mentor for my friend, you know,I'm going to start doing little videos, little videos to my friends, then I'm going to step it up to a Facebook Live, then I'm going to, you know, then I'm going to become a podcast guest and join pod match or, you know,and just kind of take it up in little steps. And the nice thing about the little steps is that starts you in the direction. And then you see if it's like, wow,I'm really excited about that I want to go forward or you know,that's not for me. But you know,you can't steer a parked car,right? You got to be moving. And even if you're moving in the wrong direction, I prefer movement. So then we know, we know if that's, that's a road south, I'd like to say, you know, why build the road south when you're headed north, and my wife is really good about saying, hey, road south, I'm like, Hey, honey, I was thinking about doing road south, and it's not in alignment with where I really want to go. But anyway,so yes, there's some work you can do, if it's a deeper thing,but those same tools, work even on the deeper kind of identity

Rory Gill: 16:36

So I mean, you're kind of anticipating where I'm stuff.going with this too. And that's kind of the nexus of taking the mindset shift into practical action to you know, bring about the bring about the results. And I'm sure you could speak about this for hours and hours. In fact, you do, but, you know,tell us some good tips for people, in addition to what you just said, making some sustained habit changes that can make you know, better results and make you a little bit more of an intentional person.

Blaine Oelkers: 17:01

Yeah, so you know, we are creatures of habit,you know, biochemically, we are creatures of habit. And so now they study the neurons. And so when you create a habit, there's this myelination, this insulation that goes on the neurons, that allows them to communicate faster and with less resistance, and also on automatic pilot. So I have a framework which, which I think would be fun to share with the listeners called 21 second habits, right, so how to create new habits in 21 seconds, not 21days. Now, scientifically, with this myelination, it does take about 21 days for the beginning of a new habit to neurologically be there. And now they just the latest study shows that take 63days to actually wire the habit in your brain so that it can run on its own. But we're gonna start we're gonna hack all that and we're just gonna go right to a basically 21 seconds or instantaneously. And so remember what I said about Selfluence,though, the fact is that everything you need within reach, you don't need anything else, you're already doing it.And you can master it. And so I often talk to people, or I'll even ask you like in the last 24hours, you know, Rory, Have you brushed your teeth?

Rory Gill: 18:16

Of course I have.

Blaine Oelkers: 18:17

Okay, and so how long have you had that habit of brushing your teeth?

Rory Gill: 18:21

Longer than I can remember.

Blaine Oelkers: 18:23

Okay, so decades, you know, decades you've had that. So I, I want people understand. You're already a habit master. You know how to do this stuff. You know how to create new habits and how to stick with them. And so then I tell the story on how the 21second habits came about for me was that my wife Beth, luckily,this is past tense, she used to have nearly daily migraine headaches. And so the doctor gave her this log this like extensive headache log, you know, what did you eat? What are the triggers? What's the weather, like? What was the barometric pressure, and she could fill it out for one, two days. And then she forget to do it, and she would lose it, then she get frustrated. And she's having these migraines. So it was a bad situation. But one day, I'm watching her brush her teeth. And you know, my wife is that, you know, dentist recommended two minutes in the morning, two minutes at night.So there's four solid minutes,and I said, Beth look, take your headache log, put it underneath the toothpaste and the toothbrush. And every time you brush your teeth, then fill it out, you know. So basically,here's the key first key the 21second habits is habit linking.So she took this habit she couldn't do and she linked it to brushing her teeth. And she went90 days in a row she went from can't do it two or three days.So she went 90 days in a row filling that thing out. And you know, anyway, got it to the doctors and now she might have a migraine once every couple of months, which is fantastic. It's that low. So anyway, so habit linking that's the first key is to think about all these habits,you know, you wake up in the morning, you get dressed, all these habits that you could link your new habit to. And so I'll give you a second example because there's a couple of other keys to this. And so, the second example is that I said,Okay, I want to start some new habits myself, you know, every single day. And so what I did is I said okay, what is something that I do? You know, without any willpower required every single morning and it's my smartphone,I pick up my smartphone,sometimes the alarm is going off there. And so I realized that I could have it linked. So I want to do this Bible app. But then I also want to take a mind shower.Every day, we talked about what is the preventative way to stay positive. And for me, people,like physically wash their body every day. But I thought, I want to wash my mind out every day, I want to get the head trash out,you know, social media news,sometimes family, friends, you know, there's a lot of head trash that I'm getting every day. And so I wanted to wash that out. And so what I did is I opened my smart my iPhone, I moved all the apps off the homepage, and I just put those two apps on there. And then every single day, when I open my phone, I have to do those two things before I'm allowed to see or touch any other apps on my phone. Now this is the second key. So the first key is habit linking. The second key is urge serving. So if you can have an urge something that you have a strong desire for that you can serve the energy and the desire to force you to do the habit,then it works out really well.So for me what happens when I Why do I get my phone first thing in the morning, obviously,I want to check I've got text messages, I want to check news,social media, what orders have come in, how's the bank account,all these different things I want to check my son lives in Denmark, he usually texts during the night. And I see that icon and there's messages waiting for me, right. And so I serve that urge. And so that has worked for me today was day, 1717 days in a row, that I've done that habit of the mind shower, and the Bible app every single day, no problem, no willpower required,I'm opening that phone every day. And then I'm surfing that urge to make it happen. And then the last part is leverage. So you got linking the habit linking, urge surfing, and then leverage and so you get leverage on yourself, you could use rewards the carrot, right the carrot. So if I do this new habit for seven days, I'm gonna buy the book I want or the stick, you know, you could have some kind of penalty if you don't, you know if you fall off doing the habit. But also,there's a natural leverage. When you get three or four days in a row, there's a natural inclination by your by your mind to want to keep that habit, you don't want to break the chain.That's super powerful. And that framework can be used to create whatever new habit you want. I was working with an attorney recently. And her name's Anne,and she's like Blaine, I know you always tell me next day planning is the most important thing like, never let a day end without planning. The next one is what I say. And I said,You're right. I said, Are you you know, when you get up? Do you have a plan? She goes, No,most days, I don't have a plan.And I said, Okay, Anne. What is something you do in the morning,every single morning, no willpower required. You only think about it happens. She says, I have a cup of coffee.Every day. I said you make your own coffee. She goes yeah,machine. I said, Good. Go to the machine and put a pad of paper and a pen next to the machine.And in the morning, I want you to make the coffee, smell the coffee, get that urge to want to drink that coffee super hot. But you can't take the first sip until you've made the list. Now the list might just be two or three items that you have to do that day, or it could be a more extensive schedule, right? But you've got to start the list before you drink the coffee.Right? And so for her, you know,that made all the difference.She didn't have to think about it. And she created this new habit linked it to an existing one had the urge to serve really she kept doing it because it helped her you know, have a much more kind of productive day.

Rory Gill: 23:49

It does and so on under the principles of Selfluence, you can kind of use what you're already doing what you already have to instill good habits going forward. Is there a role for external accountability in Selfluence? Or is that something that you kind of discourage or leave outside of

Blaine Oelkers: 24:04

No, it's a huge part. There's an accountability,it?and the accountability that you have with yourself is okay. But for most people, it's not great.And so external accountability in all the programs, the mastermind groups that work with them and programs that I have for entrepreneurs, they all have an outside accountability component and encouragement component. So it's accountability mixed with encouragement is what people need and so many, many more And I know a lot of professionals, you know,times likely to get something done if you have an outside accountability to someone else.And that can be an accountability buddy partner,that can be a small group, kind of the more public it is, you know, if you declare it, you know, on social media, something you're going to do, you have a much higher level of doneness to those things. And so you want to have some external accountability 100% and some kind of encouragement, but both.And then again, back to this,you know, kind of win early win often. But you don't want to win all the time. And so there's a golden ratio of winning and now it's different for different people. I initially learned about this, I was coaching my kids in tennis, and I realized that there was this magic ratio and it turned out to be 70% that I needed to make sure both my son and daughter that they were winning about 70%. Now, if they're winning more than that,like 90% of the time or more,they weren't learning anything,they were just going in and doing like a beat down on the opponent. And they didn't learn anything in that match, right?You know, but on the flip side,if they were losing more than half their matches, there was a discouragement that came in that they'd be like, Dad, I don't want to do tennis anymore. I don't want to go to that tournament. And so I had to be really aware of that when that golden win ratio. And so if they're winning 90% They're like, Dad, why do I have to play in this tournament like an age higher? I said, well, because it's time to learn, right? Or Dad, why are we driving into Tucson to play in this this tournament you know that, you know, it's going to be an easy one for me? Well, because I want to just build some more skills,right? You know, so I had to have that. And so for you,you're going to have that ratio.For me, it's like 90%, like my daily to do list my goals, I like to hit him about 90%. But if I'm hitting them 100%, I know I'm not stretching, I know I'm not growing, and you learn more from losing than you do by winning. So it's important on number of levels, it's important to realize that because the failures are much more instructive, typically than the big wins, you know, so knowing that going in, and knowing that failure is, okay? And failure is, a way to learn is also key.But yes, accountability and encouragement from an outside source is imperative to to your doneness.attorneys in small practice, you work with attorneys, and dentists and other professionals that have a tendency to work by themselves. And this becomes a particularly lonely area for a lot of the professionals, but also a very difficult one, where you are the only one holding yourself accountable to a large extent. And your success really hinges on your ability to hold yourself accountable for it. So these are some, you know, really good tips. And if people were looking in these professions for, you know, a little bit of help, or external guidance, or external accountability, where do you recommend the turn?So a couple of things there, one is that you're 100%, right? This owner business ownership,especially for attorneys, and professionals, real estate professionals too, it can be very lonely. And, you know, a lot of times family and friends,they don't understand that stuff. Right. So I would say a couple of things. One is, be sure to have a mentor. Now, if that mentor, you know, could be someone like a Jim Rohn, and you're just being mentored through their books and their audio programs, you know, but they're still there for you.Right? So Jim Rohn, he's not with us anymore. He was my number one mentor, but he's on my smartphone, he's on my iPhone, I can hit a button. And you know, I'm right there, you know. And so I actually have this five, I shared the stage with him one night, and in this five minute block, he said so much, was mind blowing seminars in a sentence, that that's my go to five minutes when I needed.So that's one a mentor, could be a real, you know, a physical person, mentor, right? Yeah,someone that's down the road a little bit for you, you know,but still in your profession. So So that's, that's so mentors,one and then appear, right? Do you have a peer? Do you have somebody in the Bar Association,you know, that you could have a be accountable with that person and have some accountability and encouragement both. And then the next level would be a mastermind group, right. And so if you want to reach out to me, you know, I can help you, you know, show you some different mastermind groups specifically for, you know,attorneys where then you're in,you know, you're in with like minded people doing the same stuff, you know, in a non competitive way. Right. All the masterminds make sure that it's not similar practice areas,similar city, you want to make sure you feel comfortable. And so I would think that also I'd be happy to work with anybody that feels like they want to move up, you know, and get some more results. And they think some clarity, accountability,encouragement, would help them do that. I certainly could help them to with that.

Rory Gill: 29:14

And I have to ask,What's it like to work with a bunch of attorneys? I know, we can be a very difficult bunch to work with. What does it been like for you to work with the with attorneys is a large part of your practice?

Blaine Oelkers: 29:26

Yeah, it's actually been great. I mean, the attorneys I work with who are in mastermind groups tend to be entrepreneurial, they tend to be fairly, you know, collaborative,you know, and when people are growing, like self development,right, like, there's a lot of mindset work, right, getting past limiting beliefs. When you're doing that when you're experiencing growth. You know, a lot of times you got to be you know, 20x yourself to be able to10x your business, right. But all that self growth puts people in a positive state, they're nice to be around and I've had a great experience with them. Now.You know, the attorney is unique in that they're trained, you know, to find the little problem to find the discrepancy and law school and all that and so, a lot of times they are their minds are trained to find the problems and sometimes they have trouble finding the good stuff.So some of that, you know, there is a lot of kind of, you know,mind work that sometimes you have to do to counterbalance that. Or also to separate it out as your profession. So some people will come home. And you know, they're given the third degree, it's like a trial when they're talking with their kids.Where were you? What time did you get it? It's like, whoa,whoa, hold on judge, you know,sometimes they have trouble separating that stuff out. But by and large, I've had a great experience of highly intelligent people and great to work with.

Rory Gill: 31:26

I take that, and I hear you loud and clear. I know,as somebody who has a foot in both real estate investing and the the legal community, the attorney is always looking for the reason not to. The reason no, the reason why something is wrong, whereas the people in the real estate sphere are always looking for the opportunity,what can be done, and the world is limitless. So there's a little bit of a culture clash going on, in my own mind when I work through these competing industries.

Blaine Oelkers: 31:50

Yeah, 100%, you know, what, just the awareness of it, you know, is what will serve you just an awareness of it, you know, that there is that little lens difference, you know, the awareness of, it's going to help you to be kind of a more complete person. You know, I think that that's like,the first step is the awareness of it. And then you can proactively move in whatever direction you want and, and begin to begin to create your the identity that you want,right? And the identity that you're looking for, and the person that you want to become is possible. And it's important that you move in that direction of who you want to be. So I think that's great.

Rory Gill: 32:27

Alright, so before we get into before we have you explain to everybody where they can find your even engage your services, I do want to ask you the same three questions that we ask everybody who comes on to the podcast, and I'll put you on the spot here. If you had to give a presentation on 30minutes with no preparation whatsoever? What would the presentation be on?

Blaine Oelkers: 32:49

18 minutes or something that talk has to fall within that window. So So I did do that. And I do think that's our, the biggest aha moment I had was the power of our minds to really shape our reality. And the ability that we have, most people are under utilizing the power of their mind. And so I say, I hope people, the listeners will, will leave with that understanding that that's the most important thing. And really, your reality, your physical reality is shaped by that lens that the mind thoughts that you look through is like,like example, if I said, I said to you, Rory, okay, today, I'm sorry to tell you, but today is going to be like the worst day of your life. And you're like,oh, no, don't tell me that. And then you go out, and you're almost hit by a car. And then you say, oh, gosh, Blaine was right. I was hit by the cars almost killed, and you're timid and you're fearful the whole day. And physically, your brain chemistry in your body, you're like, oh, my gosh, something bad. It's, it's gonna be a bad day. And you're, you're physically, you know, scrunched down and afraid of the world.Now that same morning, I hand you a different lens. And I say,Rory, I don't know why. But today is going to be one of the best days of your life. And then you go out, same exact thing.You're almost hit by the car,except now you say Blaine was right, I'm saved, my life is spared. I was almost killed, but I'm not killed, and you're happy in your brain chemistry is totally different. And you're exuberant. And you're fired up about the world? And what does the universe have for me, and I'm still here. And it's a totally different experience,physically, chemically, you know, in your brain, and all it was was that lens that you're looking through, right, so So anyway, that I think is the most powerful thing that when you so when I take my mind shower in the morning, I really make sure I clean off the lens and choose the lens I want. Because that's dictating the physical reality later,

Rory Gill: 34:46

I agree with you. And I think you know, the example you give us the, you know, this can be the best day ever, or the worst day ever. But the truth is, things kind of fall in between and one of the most empowering things that I can do for myself and I fall off this wagon more than I should is just the thought that I'm going to own my day, this is going to be I am going to accomplish what I choose to accomplish today. And just having that thought, I think is more empowering than anything. And it really makes a difference. Because if you walk in and say this is just going to be a difficult day, and then you're reactive to everything that comes along your way and you don't move the ball forward in any of your own objectives.

Blaine Oelkers: 35:21

Yeah, agree 100%that next day planning, right?Planning out the day, especially when you wake up, if that first like 30 to 60 minutes is automatic pilot, like, you know what you're going to do? You know, most people win the day,you know, in that first 30-60minutes. And if you know that,you know, yeah, then you got some of the stuff done. Maybe for you personally, like people have a little morning routine,or something where you can say look, I've already won the day.Here we are, you know, I already won the day when I go to bed because I've kind of mapped it out. So it is kind of my day now. Life throws you some curveballs and circumstances.But you know what, that's not every day that's you know,that's more of a rarity then,you know, my days get hijacked,but but not very often.

Rory Gill: 36:01

The second question we asked everybody is, what's something that happened to you early in your life or career that affects how you work today?

Blaine Oelkers: 36:07

Yeah, I mean, I would just go back to that story of my son, you know, it kind of gave me the cold shoulder, you know, and that that night, you know, that night I did kind of remember, both my parents worked and my brother, lots of times he wasn't home when I got home from school, and I'd come into the empty house, it was kind of like scary, you know. So anyway, all that all those memories flooded back. But that clarifying decision right made the clarifying decision to be the work from home dad, that that definitely changed kind of the trajectory of my life.

Rory Gill: 36:36

And that's something I mean, you said a little bit poignantly, with that moment that your son just kind of gave you the cold shoulder, we've heard that from a number of people where the realization that why they're doing this in the first place, and may be successful in their business endeavors, but they wanted to be there for their family, their spouse, their community, and they, you know, what they were pursuing was actually taking them farther and farther away from their, their real motivation. So thank you for that. Finally, what's something that you're watching listening to or reading these days?po

Blaine Oelkers: 37:06

Yeah, I read the book Think and Grow Rich, you know, once a year. So this is the time of the year that I'm doing that. But then also, I will say that I've listened to this one program 50 times or more, more than 50 times now.And it's Jim Rohn's Power of Ambition. And so Jim Rohn's Power of Ambition, that's probably my favorite program,that's my go to, you know, a lot of times people have that head trash. And I often I like to say the solution to pollution is dilution, right. And so you think that science beaker with a dark liquid, and you pour more and more water gets clearer and clearer and clearer. You know,and so the solution to pollution is dilution, and I like to pour in the positive. And that's the program that, that I use to kind of, you know, kind of pour into myself every day. So I think that's, that's probably my favorite, favorite thing. And I'm kind of, you know, listening to that kind of over and over,it's available on Audible, you probably can find it on YouTube,because it's, it's an older program.

Rory Gill: 38:00

Right, thank you in.Alright, so for all of our listeners, who out there who want to find out more about you see some of the longer form work that you've done, or even engage you? How can they find you?

Blaine Oelkers: 38:12

You know, the easiest thing is just go to blainetedx.com. So blainetedx.com. There, you can opt in for the TEDx talk that I did to get a transcript to get to watch it. And in that talk, I talked about why Teva. But more importantly, I talked about a practical way that you could take your what I call your bring about statement, whatever you're trying to bring about in your life could be a goal personality trait, and remind your subconscious mind of it about100 times a day with no you know, no work on your part. So So anyway, that that's in there,but then we'll also be connected, you'll have my email,you'll get the articles I do.And if I can help anybody or serve anybody in any way, I'd love to do it.

Rory Gill: 38:51

All the ways you can get in touch with Blaine are in the show notes for this episode.So if you didn't catch it, while watching, or listening. It's all available for you. Thank you Blaine, so much for being on the podcast with us. My name is Rory Gill, the broker owner of NextHome Titletown -nexthometitletown.com in Boston,Massachusetts, and UrbanVillage Legal, urbanvillagelegal.com Thank you Blaine so much.

Blaine Oelkers: 39:12

All right. Thank you so much for having me. And I'll leave you with this. The bad news is time flies the good news. You're the pilot. So pilot Well, my friends. Alright, thank you.

Announcer: 39:23

This has been The Real Estate Law Podcast. Because real estate is more than just pretty pictures. And law goes well beyond the paperwork and courtroom arguments. were powered by NextHome Titletown,Boston's progressive real estate brokerage. More at nexthometitletown.com and UrbanVillage Legal,Massachusetts real estate Council serving savvy property owners, lenders and investors.More at urbanvillagelegal.com.Today's conversation was not legal advice, but we hope you found it entertaining and informative. Discover more at the realestatelawpodcast.com Thank you for listening